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Every time we fail at work, we inevitably get depressed, frustrated, want to give up, and feel that life is unfair.
Normally, we tend to react in two ways: One is to blame external actors, and the other is to blame ourselves. However, either way, they are not good.
Avoiding responsibility is a safe way, but anxiety increases after each trip. On the contrary, reproaching yourself seems to help us grow up, but as a result, it will lead to you misjudging your own potential, limiting your growth.
What if you treated yourself like a friend? Be kind, understand and motivate yourself more? These actions are called “compassionate treatment of oneself” (self-compassion).
This attitude is the focus of many recent studies. Psychologists discover that compassion is an important tool for improving work performance.
People with high levels of self-compassion have three manifestations as follows:
- Be kind to your mistakes.
- Realize that each time you fail, you gain an experience
- Keeping balance when in negative emotions: Allow yourself to be sad but not overwhelmed by negative emotions.
Kristin Neff, PhD at the University of Texas, Austin, has done a survey tool that elucidates personality traits and behaviors associated with compassionate behavior with oneself. People with high scores often have development thinking and live sincerely with yourself (true-self).
#first. Development Thinking
Most people want to grow. We tend to develop ourselves in a number of ways: working hard, learning how to handle situations, learning to communicate, working in groups, …
However, the development process always starts from reflection. The important thing in personal development is to be aware of your strengths and limitations. Believing that you are getting better every day will lead to satisfaction, while believing that you are getting worse will lead to disappointment.
When people treat themselves with tolerance, they will judge themselves more realistically. They actively work even when they realize their shortcomings.
Carol Dweck (Ph.D. in psychology at Stanford University) has proven that “Development Thinking” has more benefits than “Fixed Thinking”.
- Fixed-minded people see the potential of people (even for themselves) as unchanged. They believe their power will not change, even a year or three.
- People with Development Thinking will look at their abilities in a different way. They see the development of energy and constantly strive to practice in optimism.
Development Thinking is effective in many areas such as success in start-ups, parenting, sports, education, etc.
According to scientific research, the sign of a Development Thinking is that they try to do better when they receive negative feedback.
If you believe that your abilities will not change, you will not be motivated to try. If you believe your ability will change, receiving negative feedback will help you to always strive to improve.
In one study, study participants received a very difficult vocabulary test and received feedback on their poor results.
Participants will be randomly assigned to 2 groups.
+ The researcher tells the first group (The group of people who are stimulated to treat themselves compassionately):
"It's not like you were having trouble with the last test. This is very normal for a student. If you feel sad about what you have done, don't be too hard on yourself. "
+ For the second group (the group that is not stimulating self-compassion) the researcher said:
“If you find it hard to take the test just now, don't despair – you're very smart to get into this university.”
Participants are then informed they will have another vocabulary test. They are given a vocabulary list and are reviewing the vocabulary before receiving the test.
We recognize that compassionate people with their failure are related to their level of Development Thinking.
They spend more time studying than the other group. Self-compassion is a way for oneself to improve by making things better, having faith that they can improve and motivating themselves to work harder.
#2. Sincere with yourself
Self-compassion is very helpful in promoting human development. Over time, each person can find a position that matches their personality and values in the company.
Being sincere with yourself helps to boost your personal motivation. Unfortunately, this is not easy for many people at work because they do not dare to express themselves.
They feel stuck because there are norms, cynicism, fear of being judged there. However, being compassionate to yourself can help people to self-assess their professionalism and learn how to repair themselves when needed.
For a salesperson who has not reached its sales goals, they will focus on finding ways to improve sales in the next quarter, then re-evaluate whether this is the right job for their personality. is not. That is self-compassion.
In recent research by Jia Wei Zhang, we recognize that self-compassion is shaped by minimizing negative thoughts and self-doubt.
In one study, participants had to complete a short daily survey for the week. They are asked to rate the level of self-compassion ("Today, I show my caring, understanding and kindness to myself“) And sincerity (“Today, I feel honestly interacting with others").
We find that the level of self-compassion is almost related to the sense of sincerity. During the time the participants were informed of their higher level of self-compassion, they also said that they felt more sincere.
Optimism also seems to play a role. Having a positive outlook on external life makes people want more opportunities to show who they are.
Research shows that optimists are not afraid to show negative points about themselves. Calm and balance come from compassion, helping people to experience difficult situations with a more positive attitude.
# 3. Power leader
The mindset of compassion also spreads to others. This is a special information for those who are leaders. Kind and non-judgmental treatment of yourself is a way of training to treat others more compassionately.
When being compassionate towards others, others will also be compassionate towards themselves. It is this cycle of compassion that creates a positive working environment.
In fact, compassion promotes Development Thinking. Research shows that when leaders have Development Thinking, they are almost focused on changing the performance of their subordinates and providing helpful feedback for improvement. At the same time, their subordinates can perceive the Leadership Development mindset, they tend to learn from their leader.
The relationship between leader and subordinate is also linked by sincerity. We all have the ability to feel the sincerity of others. When leaders are sincere, they will spread that in the workplace environment. The relationship becomes closer when people feel the interaction between them is built on that foundation.
In the face of failure with a compassionate attitude, leaders display behaviors, psychology and positive points for their work. And those things will affect subordinates. Practicing self-created compassion also creates win-win between the parties.
# 4. Make up for compassion
Making up your own compassion is not too difficult. It is a skill that you can cultivate and train yourself. You can test your level of self-compassion with the three questions designated by psychologists as follows:
- Am I kind and understanding myself?
- Have I perceived failures as an experience to share with people?
- Am I in a negative mood?
If not, the following experience may help you practice:
Sit back and write to yourself as a third person (maybe you are a friend, or a lover).
Many people treat others better than themselves. Therefore, writing letters is a way to help you get rid of negative monologues and encourage yourself to be more positive.
Most of us do not dare to harness the power of failure. In the common standards of society, we are afraid of doing wrong so we do not dare to throw ourselves into new difficulties and challenges.
If you have bravely accepted the failure and are trying to be merciful to yourself, then go ahead. Although not easy, but you are doing better every day!
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